So when is the last time you had a totally wicked love affair? Not a relationship, yuck! Not a one night stand, fun! But a freakin’ rip your clothes off, throw you up against the wall love affair? Have you ever had one? A truly great one that always makes you smile when you remember, no matter how it ended? When you think of that man and your time together you always end up with wet panties because even the memories are that hot.
There is a difference between love affairs and relationships. Sometimes the best relationships start as love affairs and sometimes they start as friendships. Relationships are long lasting, consisting of a partner you choose a life with and the soul that you grow with and learn your lessons from. They are filled with expectations, obligations and plans for the future infused with deep committed love.
Love affairs have none of that. They are an in-the-moment union of two souls that cannot resist each other; they are passionate, electric, soul connections that cause you to throw all rationale out the window. They make you want to pick up and change your life, drop your panties and turn your world upside down. Love affairs consist of chemistry that is off the charts, the intense zap from across the room and the magnetic, irresistible pull to another person. They can also include an intriguing mental connection that inspires hours of conversation; day turns to night and night to morning and you are still awake and talking. The deep emotional connection is overwhelming – physically you can’t get enough of each other and you just want to be together. The sexual and soul connections… well, these rock your world, blow your head off and leave you thinking, I didn’t think sex could be this good. I believe the coolest thing about love affairs is that they usually teach you a profound life lesson in a very short, intense time. Sometimes they flame out and sometimes they keep going but regardless, you will never ever forget.Iam a diehard romantic and I truly believe in love. (Maybe this is why I love to write adventure/romance novels? I find it amazing that even when I am bitter, hurting and wallowing in darkness, my faith in love and romance always seems to return. Over the years I have had some awesome relationships (to those men, and you know who you are, I honour you for all you gave to me and taught me… but this is not about you!). But I have also been blessed with many truly amazing love affairs, some lasting a long time, like years and years of on again/off again, while others have been weekends of intensity or even lasting a few weeks. This is why I think love affairs come in various forms: the short ones, the long ones and the in-betweens.
The Short Ones: These last for a few days or a long weekend, usually inspiring the phrase, “What happens in Vegas/Whistler/Mexico stays in Vegas/Whistler/Mexico.” I personally prefer the “ramp rule” whereby as soon as your feet hit the airplane ramp . . . nothing counts. This rule has gotten me and my girlfriends out of a lot of trouble and precarious experiences. These love affairs are so intense and enchanting because when people get away from their regular lives, they feel free to be whom they really are. Being playful and authentic can attract new love. These short love affairs are truly magical, full of crazy shit, spontaneous decisions and mind-blasting sex. As a romance writer, I live for these! I have also lost my mind and all sense of rational thinking. Unfortunately they should come with a BIG WARNING sign. As hot and steamy as they can be, (and trust me, they have been) I have also made some bad mistakes but WOW, it was seriously sizzling! The walk of shame, however, was not warm . . . it was completely humbling and embarrassing. The great lesson here is that even though the lust was scorching and the soul connection extraordinary, I compromised my personal values and when it flamed out, I was left alone to deal with how to repair my morals.
The In-Betweens: These are the great, great love affairs. They continue for a few weeks but never turn into a relationship due to unforeseen circumstances or previous commitments. They are fuckin’ fabulous because they start out as hot and steamy but then evolve into this crazy uncontrollable connection of spending every moment together. You play, laugh and have fun all day, sharing new and exciting experiences, and then make love all night long. The special gift of this love affair is that because you know it is going to end, you love this person with your whole heart. There are no expectations or future plans so you are present in every moment and you cherish every second. The magnetism is powerful. You talk of your dreams, wishes and desires. But then one of you leaves. The tears and heartbreak are inevitable, you promise to stay in touch but accept that it probably wouldn’t have worked in the real world anyway. The added bonus about in-betweens is that they always restore your belief in how truly amazing you are! They show up at the perfect point in your life, a time when you need restoration and reconnection to a part of you that may have been lost in a past relationship. Or these encounters remind of us of our dreams and the person we truly want to be. When they end, even though it’s sad, we are free! Free to pursue want we want and who we want to be. One of my best in-betweens actually showed up on a white horse and taught me to believe in my sexiness. Another was a very yummy younger man who adored me and brought out my fun, playful side that I had lost for a long time.
The Long Ones: These rip your heart out again and again. They can be on-again/off-again or can reappear in your life decades later. Somehow this soul ends up on your path over and over again. These love affairs take self-growth and learning to a new level, ultimately teaching us unconditional love of ourselves and the other person. They usually start out as a short love affair or in-between but end up growing into an “almost” relationship or you give it a go and it doesn’t work out for some reason. But you can never seem to get this person out of your system. Why? Because you are not meant to. These love affairs have it all. They have the mind-blasting chemistry, toe-curling sex, deep emotional understanding and, on a soulful level, each soul is more content when they are together and no, it cannot be explained.
I have been blessed to experience one of these and it will likely continue at some point when we reconnect (he is probably reading this right now, as I know he reads everything I write). This love affair has been on and off for 14 years, our soul connection so deep that I doubt it will ever end. We have gone years without contact, having other significant relationships, but somehow we always end up back in each other’s lives. We might never end up together but the love, and of course the heartbreak (there has been lots of that), has been truly epic. The life and love lessons that we were meant to experience with each other have transformed both our lives. This makes a great love affair, the one that got away always sneaking into the back of your mind making you wonder, what if?
Love is the real reason we are all on this planet, overruling money, ego, fear and all the other crap. If you don’t have love, it’s a pretty lonely life. Love affairs should be celebrated! They teach us to grow and evolve, each one unique in its own way. Certain souls are meant to enter our lives, sometimes for a short time, sometimes for a long time and sometimes just in between. The true gift of a love affair is to encourage us to remember all that we are meant to be. We become free to just love each other for that precious moment. Sometimes they become a relationship but most of the time they don’t, still each one gives us a special gift. When you have your next love affair, just enjoy it for what it is because all you really have is that moment. But you will always have the incredibly hot memories! WOW!