The Dazed and Infused Martini

The Tale of the Dazed & Infused Martini

Have you ever heard something that was so unbelievable that you walked away completely stunned? I was in a state of bewilderment while I was sitting at my usual martini bar. My buddy, the bartender, commented that “I looked completely perplexed.” Well, he had the perfect cure for that. He subsequently served to me the Dazed and Infused martini. This was an evening where I was in shock. I needed this martini to help me process the information that I had just received; somehow it just did not seem possible.

The Dazed and Infused martini is very unique. It requires some serious labour to make this one, but oh boy, it is worth it. A combination of vodka infused with the flavours of vanilla, macadamia nut, cinnamon and topped off with Bailey’s. This drink has many flavors, with all the punch of a pure alcohol martini. Upon visual inspection, I knew that it was going to be impossible not to love this martini because it was garnished with caramelized sugar. Yum, Yum! When I took my first sip I decided that this martini was one in a million. This was just the drink I needed to clear away my confusion. My taste buds were freaking out, the vanilla and macadamia nut balanced the cinnamon so that it was not too sweet, actually luscious. After a few sips, I started to tell my buddy about the source of my confusion. I had just found out about not one, but TWO women, who had been in long-term sexless relationships, one which was more than five years! His response: “What, are you kidding me?” “Yes, it was true!” I replied.

The wildest part of the story is that one of these women had not had sex with her boyfriend for seven years and was still a virgin. Ironically, the boyfriend finally left her for another man.

“So she was 28 years old, single and a virgin!”

Unbelievable! “Let me at her, I will fix that situation in no time,” chuckled my bartender. The other woman was in the sexual prime of her mid-30’s and had not been sexually active with her boyfriend in five years. The first few years the sex had been fine, but now it had been so long that it was not even discussed. My question is, how does this happen?

How does a woman or a man go without sex for so long? Are we not animals? Do we not need sex to survive? Is it not part of our primal instinct? How can you love someone, sleep beside them, be affectionate and not have sex? This is just crazy! I have to question why anyone would stay in a relationship if this was happening? Now I realize that every relationship goes through periods when the sex is minimal – that is only natural. Life factors take over: work stress, children, post-pregnancy hormones and over-commitment can leave no time or energy for each other and sex. How does low sex become no sex and how does no sex go on for years?

This woman, who had not had sex for five years, was in a relationship with a man that she loved and cared for. After a few years, it seemed like every time they kissed and became passionate, he emotionally and physically shut down. They would discuss how they should have sex, but it just did not happen. She had stopped initiating sex because she did not want to be rejected; she felt guilty and unsatisfied when she masturbated because she wanted to have sex instead. Gradually, she started to have feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. She did not feel like a sexual being. The relationship was great on every other level – they were truly friends and loved each other. Finally, she started seeing a counsellor because she thought that she had a problem, but discovered that she was just fine. When her boyfriend started seeing the counsellor, he encountered some sexual issues. Well, no kidding! Eventually this led to the end of their relationship. It was interesting to talk to her because she thought that she had a low sex drive. However, after leaving this situation and consequently having a healthy sexual relationship, she has realized that she has a very strong sex drive. So do people have a low or high sex drive, or is it that we all have strong sex drives, but they get overshadowed by sexual issues that we have not dealt with?

After discussing this with my bartender and having another Dazed and Infused martini, I came to the conclusion that we are all creatures with the primal instinct to have sex. This is an act that gives us pleasure. So isn’t it natural that if we do something that gives us such enjoyment that we would want more and more of it. How many times have you had an orgasm that was so satisfying that afterwards you think, “I really should do this more often!”  What happens to us to make us resist our natural instincts? Is it the beliefs with which we were raised, that sex is a dirty or bad? Is it that many of us have been sexually molested or abused and this has caused our sexuality to be repressed? Is it that we put so much focus on other areas of our relationships that we undervalue how important sex really is? If this is the case, are we not just living in a state of sexual denial? Are we sexually dazed and confused? 

The Dazed and Infused martini is a drink that you should consume when you are totally perplexed in life. Life is crazy, and it can be enlightening to learn what other people have gone through. With its flavours of vanilla and macadamia nut, this martini can let you sit back and contemplate how insane people can be. This martini flows into the sweet flavours of cinnamon and Bailey’s. It’s a drink that is both delicious and intoxicating. A person’s sex drive is not low or high, it is a natural instinct. When you are in a relationship where sex is not important, you are just cheating yourself and your partner. Sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. It’s the prime reason men and women bond. The purpose of sex is to bring ourselves ecstasy, it should be sweet and sensual, erotic and addictive, just like the Dazed and Infused martini. Whether you make the attempt to have sex or make the effort to infuse this martini, you will realize that they are both pure intoxicating bliss.

Intuitive thought by Marjie Martini