The Anti-Climactic Martini

The Tale of the Anti-Climactic Martini

On this particular night I was perplexed by the irony of life and by my indecision in choosing the perfect liquid concoction. Tonight, I was craving a little sweetness, which I could savor into the night. Cruising the martini menu is a lot like looking into the fridge, not knowing what you want, not knowing what you are looking for. After much contemplation, I decided that the Anti-Climactic Martini was my choice.  Raspberry Vodka shaken with Chambord gives this martini just the right amount of sweetness. The splash of cranberry gives just enough tartness to the finish that makes this martini perfectly bittersweet. I was impressed by the Anti-Climactic presentation: the frosted glass and cranberry garnish made it very pretty, and I like pretty.

Just as my martini arrived so did my lovely male companion. (I refer to him as “companion” because “friend” doesn’t include all the realms of our relationship, and “date” is overkill) The definition of a male companion, by the way is: a man who is definitely into you, calls you, takes you out, cooks you dinner, and cuddles with you but will not kiss you or cross the line into intimacy. The question is,

“Is a companion a man who is possibly in denial about being gay?”

As usual, I get the long and tender hug when he arrives, then we settle into our discussion and debates of the trials and tribulations of our lives. The conversation is always stimulating and enticing. As I am sipping my martini, I realize my companion is the perfect date. He is a true gentleman, who is handsome, interesting and flirtatious. However, there is an intrigue about my companion. Would the flirtation ever materialize into anything sexual? Would I ever get some or was I destined to end the perfect date with a peck on the cheek?

As the evening unfolds, he poses the question, “Would you like to go back to my house for dessert?” Needless to say I said “Yes.” After dessert, I was propositioned to go upstairs and cuddle?” I quickly pick my jaw up off the ground and nodded because my brain was in disbelief that my companion had finally made his move. When he mentioned dessert, I thought that it was going to be edible, not sexual.

During foreplay, he whispers how first he is going to satisfy me many times. I was in ecstasy. How could I have thought that this man was gay? My gaydar must have been off. A few minutes later, I am stunned with the sensation of wetness. His wetness! Nooooooooo! Not a preemie! I am speechless. After all this, a preemie!! The room was heavy with embarrassment. As he leaves, to go clean himself up, all I can think is ….poor guy. That is when I bolted downstairs, grabbed my handbag and fled out the door.

As always, great insight comes to me in the latest hour of the evening. As I looked into my fridge for something satisfying, I realized that I needed to make myself another Anti-Climactic martini because something had to kill the sexual frustration that was pulsating through my body.  I took a long swig of the martini and a thought occurred; the sweetness of the raspberry is like the sweet teasing of hugging, cuddling and spooning with my companion, and the bittersweet cranberry finish is like the preemie, the bitter shock of reality. Unfortunately, both the Anti-Climactic martini and having a companion will always leave you wanting more!!

Intuitive thoughts by Marjie Martini